I was having dinner with an old friend the other day and damn near fell off the stool as she shared her recent dating experience with me. Her date, an early thirtysomething who neglected to mention he was married*, disclosed that he didn’t read (a few pages in and he’s bored or tired; what’s a newspaper? magazine? comic book? the back of a cereal box?), and that he had no future ambitions.

Umm, what?

I understand how insular our lives can be. But how is it that, when almost everyone in NYC has access to high-speed internet (thank you public libraries!) and is constantly inundated with media and advertising, you can lack ambition? WTF was he even on a date for? Hell, 80-year olds aspire to not break their hips!

It got me to thinking of a very important person in my life that is paralyzed by fear right now; a highly intelligent, dynamic, and capable person unable (or unwilling?) to move forward because of major letdown in their past.

OK, they’re not a spring chicken, but they’re in fairly good health, have a job they enjoy, and are surrounded by a SANE, loving family. What is the problem?

Anyway…Thankfully, my friend is emotionally healthy and wished him well in life – without her.

We can’t imagine that we’ll ever get to the place where we just STOP – thinking about who we are, where we’re going, how we’re going to be better and what we want our lives to look like in the coming years.

But if I do;  if you ever hear me say that I’m done growing up, out, and through old paradigms and ways of thinking and being and have nothing else to work towards, please do me a favor and JUST SHOOT ME.

*here’s a lesson on the need for clarity: Bbefore agreeing to this date, my friend asked if he was seeing anyone.

Him: No

Her: Are you sure?

Him: Yes. Why? Had too many bad experiences?

Me: Hmmmm.

During this date, he disclosed that he is married but has been separated for 3 years. Ummm, FAIL.

So not only do you have to ask a man if he’s seeing anyone, you need to ask if he’s married. And while you’re at it, ask him if he’s fucking anyone. Know where you stand before you get all gussied up.